Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.
Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Nature or nurture,it is a permanent topic all around the world.Currently,a research again causes a heated debate over during our whole life,the characteristics we are born with and the experiences we learn afterwards,which is more important on our personality and development.In this essay,I will analysis the two factors and draw a personal conclusion.
First of all,not everybody is born with strong characteristics.Individuals need to learn how to be strong,how to be persistent,when they are confronted with catastrophe how to dispose of it,therefore schools,gyms,as well as numerous organizations which train persons to be skillful,faithful,and confident are established,which means that the majority of humanity can benefit from the experiences after born.As a result,we pick up the capacity to deal with various situations in our life.
As we all know,people are not born with knowledge,skills,etc.,although they may be born to be talented.However,if those who are given talents do not grow up or practice through appropriate methods,we could hard-pressed to imagine what kind of person he or she will be and how one can present his or her talents.
Admittedly,the characteristics individuals born with also play a pivotal role in one’s life along with the impact of experiences.However,the former cannot perform well alone,otherwise the one—who spur the new generation of China -- Haidi Zhang might not exist.
As a whole,our lives will not be of integrity without either of them—the given characteristics and experiences afterward.Both of them create a brilliant future for us.Personally,the experiences we get in out life overweigh the former according to what are discussed above.

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.
Which do you consider to be the major influence?
Nature or nurture, it is a permanent topic all around the world. Currently, a research again causes a heated debate over 、直接接名词结构 during our whole life, the characteristics we are born with and the experiences we learn/experiences 复数表示其是经历的意思,不是经验,与learn 搭配不当,最好还是用原问题的have afterwards, which is more important on our personality and development. In this essay, I will analysis、这个词是名词,用analyze the two factors、这个地方措辞不妥,改为the controversial issue and draw a personal conclusion. 最好还是开门见山,你这种方式适合比较有实力的作者.
First of all, not everybody is born with strong、你这里只论证一面,或者说是用片面的论证代替了全面的论证,有偷换概念的嫌疑,其他的天生特征都没提 characteristics. Individuals need to learn how to be strong, how to be persistent, when they are confronted with catastrophe、s how to dispose of it、them, therefore schools, gyms, as well as numerous organizations which train persons、people to be skillful, faithful, and confident are established, which means that the majority of humanity can benefit from the experiences after born、birth. As a result, we pick up、口语词组,改为develop the capacity to deal with various situations in our life.
As we all know, people are not born with knowledge, skills, etc., although they may be born to be talented、gifted. However, if those who are given talents do not grow up or practice through appropriate methods、approaches, we could 、be hard-pressed、这个词意义用在这里不妥,直接we can hardly imagine…… to imagine what kind of person he or she will be and how one can present his or her talents.
Admittedly, the characteristics individuals born with also play a pivotal role in one’s life along with the impact of experiences、they may have. However, the former cannot perform well alone, otherwise the one—who spur、s the new generation of China、to do sth?spur不能单独用 -- Haidi Zhang might not、这里可以用虚拟语气起到加分的作用 could not have been that far. exist.
As a whole, our lives will not be of integrity、这样用这个词的意思是正直诚实,不是你想说的完整的意思 wholeness completeness都可以 without either of them—the given characteristics and experiences afterward. 、it takes Both of them 、to create a brilliant future、create和future搭配不当,在中文中可以创造未来,但英语就不得,可以用have或者改用别的表达方式 for us. Personally, the experiences we get in out?、避免口语化词汇 life overweigh the former according to what are、has been多用完成时是英语的一个标志,中文没有完成时的概念所以中国学生写作文很少用完成时,这个也是Chinglish的一个表征 discussed above.
这次还是不错的,基本上没有什么语法错误,可以给到6分左右了,但是还是搭配的问题,其实除了高级词汇,好的词组,或者谚语等等都是可以提分的,但前提是用对,另外,复杂句型和高级语法现象如虚拟语气,独立主格等等也是可以提分的,包括最后提到的完成时的使用,等等这些不甚枚举,主要还是使用正确,每次练习都不要想当然的用,最好都是很有把握的,这样你上6.5的机会就有了.继续加油,多看字典,多仿写,多练笔.