大师作文网能帮我改个托福作文么.
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：大师作文网作业帮 分类：综合作业 时间：2024/11/12 20:07:50
能帮我改个托福作文么.
Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?
"I'm sorry,we cannot employee because you are not competitive enough without any working experience in the applicants." Another giant company in which I once wished to devote my whole life rejects me.I have to acknowledge that it is unlikely for a rookie to obtain a ideal job that he can work in a long time.Obviously,working in different kinds of job is vital for a young man before he takes a long term career.
Although it is possible for some brilliant young people to receive a outstanding position in a giant company without any working experience.There are also some people having already made their life plan before they go into society,and they can make sure what kind of job are their favorite.For people who have both of these advantage,I think there is no need for them to take other jobs.But most young people are not that excellent.For them,taking several jobs before they take their life career will benefit them a lot.
At first,doing different kinds of job increases working experience for young people which is significant in their later work competitions.Since we are going to work in a big company,we will face diverse people.How to talk to the boss,how to chat with colleagues and how to communicate with clients in every status?This ability of communication is essential and it is a good way for young people to practice it in their first several jobs.Taking several different kinds of job can also enhance the capability of solving problems of any aspect encountered in work.And with this capability,people will not be eliminated in their long term career work and have a relatively stable status or even promoted easily.
In addition,for most young people,they do not sure what they are interested in and hence they can not make a quick decision for their life career just when they step out college school.They need to work in some different kinds of jobs or positions to acquire more information about every job and thus they can know which is their favor.If they determined their life career before take several different kinds of job,they will be regret some day when they realized that the job he works so many years is not their love,but just for fulfilling their inner oath that "I will dedicate to this career for my whole life".
All in all,I agree with the opinion that young people should take different kinds of jobs before they taking their long term career since it can improve the competition of young people for their future career and they can have enough time to make sure which kind of job they are really interested in.
Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?
"I'm sorry,we cannot employee because you are not competitive enough without any working experience in the applicants." Another giant company in which I once wished to devote my whole life rejects me.I have to acknowledge that it is unlikely for a rookie to obtain a ideal job that he can work in a long time.Obviously,working in different kinds of job is vital for a young man before he takes a long term career.
Although it is possible for some brilliant young people to receive a outstanding position in a giant company without any working experience.There are also some people having already made their life plan before they go into society,and they can make sure what kind of job are their favorite.For people who have both of these advantage,I think there is no need for them to take other jobs.But most young people are not that excellent.For them,taking several jobs before they take their life career will benefit them a lot.
At first,doing different kinds of job increases working experience for young people which is significant in their later work competitions.Since we are going to work in a big company,we will face diverse people.How to talk to the boss,how to chat with colleagues and how to communicate with clients in every status?This ability of communication is essential and it is a good way for young people to practice it in their first several jobs.Taking several different kinds of job can also enhance the capability of solving problems of any aspect encountered in work.And with this capability,people will not be eliminated in their long term career work and have a relatively stable status or even promoted easily.
In addition,for most young people,they do not sure what they are interested in and hence they can not make a quick decision for their life career just when they step out college school.They need to work in some different kinds of jobs or positions to acquire more information about every job and thus they can know which is their favor.If they determined their life career before take several different kinds of job,they will be regret some day when they realized that the job he works so many years is not their love,but just for fulfilling their inner oath that "I will dedicate to this career for my whole life".
All in all,I agree with the opinion that young people should take different kinds of jobs before they taking their long term career since it can improve the competition of young people for their future career and they can have enough time to make sure which kind of job they are really interested in.
1 先说说第一段,托福议论文强调的是客观,所以一般是不用自己的经历来举例的.
2 Obviously,working in different kinds of job is vital for a young man before he takes a long term career 这句话你在没有任何论证的情况下就说显然,青年人在不同地方工作很重要可能太早了一点.obviously的东西要有事实和道理做依据.
3 第二段开头although引导让步状语从句,你没有在这个句子里表现出任何让步关系.希望你去看一下语法书里关于让步状语从句的内容.还有,表转折关系的时候,我们的重心应该放在后面,但是你却相反.
4 第三段这2个句子,我没有看到有任何明显的逻辑关系.At first,doing different kinds of job increases working experience for young people which is significant in their later work competitions.Since we are going to work in a big company,we will face diverse people.
5 还有你有很多细节的语法错误,自己检查检查吧,词的搭配,句子的衔接,以及单复数都要再看看.
2 Obviously,working in different kinds of job is vital for a young man before he takes a long term career 这句话你在没有任何论证的情况下就说显然,青年人在不同地方工作很重要可能太早了一点.obviously的东西要有事实和道理做依据.
3 第二段开头although引导让步状语从句,你没有在这个句子里表现出任何让步关系.希望你去看一下语法书里关于让步状语从句的内容.还有,表转折关系的时候,我们的重心应该放在后面,但是你却相反.
4 第三段这2个句子,我没有看到有任何明显的逻辑关系.At first,doing different kinds of job increases working experience for young people which is significant in their later work competitions.Since we are going to work in a big company,we will face diverse people.
5 还有你有很多细节的语法错误,自己检查检查吧,词的搭配,句子的衔接,以及单复数都要再看看.