写了篇英语作文,谁能看看有什么错误.

写了篇英语作文,谁能看看有什么错误.
Childhood obesity becomes more popular in China
With the rapid development of economy and the advancement of living standards,it is common to see the Chinese children involved in the health problem of obesity.And I think there are some reasons as follows:
First,with the advancement of living standards,more and more foods that are rich in fat and protein are available for Chinese children,such as foods provided by KFC and MacDonald.So it is easily concluded that Chinese children take in much more calories than they actually need.
Secondly,in contrast to foreign countries,Chinese children lack enough excises.After class,they have so much homework to do that there is no time for them to play games or do sports.At the same time,schools in China do not emphasize on the students' physical education.
Thirdly,in many Chinese parents' opinion,obesity is a sign of healthy and sufficient nutrition.So they contribute to the problems of childhood obesity to a large extent.
Lastly,it is common that many Chinese families only have one single child.And they are often called "little sun" or " little emperor" in their family by their parents and grandparents.So their every demand is completely satisfied,which we can say that they are spoiled heavily.
We must recognize the seriousness of childhood obesity problems in China.With the problems of obesity often comes with high heart disease risks and some other health problems.Diet and enough excises are necessary for Chinese children.And knowledge about healthy lifestyle must be taught to the children.Schools and families should take the responsibility of solving this problem.They need a healthy future not only for they are every single family's future,but for they are our nation's future,even they are our world's future.

Thirdly, in many Chinese parents' opinion, obesity is a sign of being healthy and sufficient nutrition.
With the problems of obesity it often comes with high heart disease risks and some other health problems.
还有题目是已提供的还是你自己想出来的呢?感觉好像跟这篇文章不是很贴切.
这只是我自己的意见