大师作文网谁帮我点评一下我的英语作文!（别人说有很多英语错误,但是我却看不出来,
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：大师作文网作业帮 分类：英语作业 时间：2024/11/18 00:57:01
谁帮我点评一下我的英语作文!（别人说有很多英语错误,但是我却看不出来,
Several years ago,Lucy’s
father was diagnosed with cancer.And the disease not only brought her father,
but also brought all savings of the family.From then on,only her mother makes
money to support the whole unfortunately family.
She has a brother and they are
twins.Once a day,both of them received the entering notice to first-rate
university.But the family had been so poor since her father’s death.Her mother
had tried her best to raised money,but at last only one of the siblings had an
opportunity to attend university.She was desperate to go to university but had
to give up the chance because she loved her brother than
herself.
Even if
she had no regret making the decision,in fact,she still felt sad for missing
the opportunity and stayed alone in her living room. Her room was so poor.
There were no fashionable or newly house furnishings.and there was
nothing,except for the necessities—bed,chest and table.She was sitting the
corner and leaned against the chest.When got glimpse of a photo of her father
which lied on the table in front of her,she was missing her father
unconsciously.Tears were rolling down her face and she couldn’t stop sobbing.
After a while her mother sat next to her felt sorry for that and grasped her
palm and gave power to her hoped her to stop sorrowing.
Several years ago,Lucy’s
father was diagnosed with cancer.And the disease not only brought her father,
but also brought all savings of the family.From then on,only her mother makes
money to support the whole unfortunately family.
She has a brother and they are
twins.Once a day,both of them received the entering notice to first-rate
university.But the family had been so poor since her father’s death.Her mother
had tried her best to raised money,but at last only one of the siblings had an
opportunity to attend university.She was desperate to go to university but had
to give up the chance because she loved her brother than
herself.
Even if
she had no regret making the decision,in fact,she still felt sad for missing
the opportunity and stayed alone in her living room. Her room was so poor.
There were no fashionable or newly house furnishings.and there was
nothing,except for the necessities—bed,chest and table.She was sitting the
corner and leaned against the chest.When got glimpse of a photo of her father
which lied on the table in front of her,she was missing her father
unconsciously.Tears were rolling down her face and she couldn’t stop sobbing.
After a while her mother sat next to her felt sorry for that and grasped her
palm and gave power to her hoped her to stop sorrowing.
建议把brought改为＂take
away＂,全句改为＂And the disease took her father
away as well as all the savings of the family.＂第三句把＂only＂放在前面不地道,可以改为＂From
then on, it was her mother to support the unfortunate family.”＂＂unfortunately＂是一个副词,不能修饰名词,应改为＂unfortunate＂.
第一句直接说成＂She has a
twin brother.＂,简洁又地道.＂Once
a day＂改为＂One day＂,通知书的正确说法应为＂admission
letter＂而不是＂entering notice＂,下面的＂to＂改为＂from＂.全句为＂One
day, both of them received the admission letter from the first-rate
universities.＂之后的语序结构方面需要调整：However, the family was so poor
since her father’s death. Although her mother had tried her best to raised
money, only one of them could go to university. She was in a desperate need of going
to university but had to give up the chance because she loved her brother than herself.
Even if she had no regret making
the decision, in fact, she still felt sad for missing the opportunity. She
stayed alone in her poor room(这里不需具体指明living
room). There were no fashionable furniture except for the necessities—bed, wardrobe(这个词比chest更好)
and table. She sat at the corner of the room against the wardrobe. Tears burst
out from her eyes at the sight of her father’s photo. After a while her mother
came in and sat next to her. She felt very sorry to her and grasped her palm
hoping to stop her sorrow.
你应该上高中吧,写作思路不错的,就是行文结构,用词以及语感方面还需加强呢,希望能帮助到你.
away＂,全句改为＂And the disease took her father
away as well as all the savings of the family.＂第三句把＂only＂放在前面不地道,可以改为＂From
then on, it was her mother to support the unfortunate family.”＂＂unfortunately＂是一个副词,不能修饰名词,应改为＂unfortunate＂.
第一句直接说成＂She has a
twin brother.＂,简洁又地道.＂Once
a day＂改为＂One day＂,通知书的正确说法应为＂admission
letter＂而不是＂entering notice＂,下面的＂to＂改为＂from＂.全句为＂One
day, both of them received the admission letter from the first-rate
universities.＂之后的语序结构方面需要调整：However, the family was so poor
since her father’s death. Although her mother had tried her best to raised
money, only one of them could go to university. She was in a desperate need of going
to university but had to give up the chance because she loved her brother than herself.
Even if she had no regret making
the decision, in fact, she still felt sad for missing the opportunity. She
stayed alone in her poor room(这里不需具体指明living
room). There were no fashionable furniture except for the necessities—bed, wardrobe(这个词比chest更好)
and table. She sat at the corner of the room against the wardrobe. Tears burst
out from her eyes at the sight of her father’s photo. After a while her mother
came in and sat next to her. She felt very sorry to her and grasped her palm
hoping to stop her sorrow.
你应该上高中吧,写作思路不错的,就是行文结构,用词以及语感方面还需加强呢,希望能帮助到你.