有没有雅思强人可以对我写得这篇给点意见打打分吗.我写作一直不太好,也没什么提高.

有没有雅思强人可以对我写得这篇给点意见打打分吗.我写作一直不太好,也没什么提高.
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,population of male and female is going to have a big gap.It was predicted that population of male would be great larger than that of female in the future.This kind of unbalance could trigger one issue:in college,the number of male and female students in each subject could be quiet different.Therefore,this essay is written to represent my own opinion about whether universities should accept the equal numbers of male and female students.
A great amount of people disagree with the statement that college should accept equal numbers of boys and girls in every subject.The reason for this could be two.Firstly,it is difficult to carry on.To be more specific,students go to college is depending on the score.If their scores are quiet high,university has no reason to reject their application about the subject they apply for.Therefore,the result of distribution of students to each subject is already determined by their score.It is nearly impossible to achieve both gender balance and score priority.Moreover,more male students could stimulate the class atmosphere because most of female students are shy and always keep silence,which could dampen the study atmosphere.
However,I agree with that statement.There are several reasons.First of all,all the college would hold sports competition activities.Those activities are always divided into two groups according to gender.Provided that there is a equal number in male and female.The class would get a good score in both groups.Secondly,if there is the same number of female and male,teacher would be easier to group students in pairs (one boy,one girl) to do the task,thereby the ability of communication would be enhanced.The reason is that female students and male students are easy to represent their own advantages.In addition,they have totally distinct perspectives; therefore,it is easy to learn from each others,and subsequently boost the communication process.
To sum up,although it is difficult to allocate students into the same number according to the gender balance,if university could achieve this goal,the efficiency of studying and communication would both be considerably improved I think.
请见谅

太长没看完 就看了两段 个人觉得重复词太多 雅思写作也是展现词汇量的地方 多点替代词看着不会太无聊 btw 结构真的好雅思写作啊 哈哈 good luck