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想请教英语方面的一个问题 we should lay more emphasis on

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想请教英语方面的一个问题 we should lay more emphasis on
the water distribution ,especially the source in the areas experiencing water shortage ,which needs more delicate management有没有什么错误
想请教英语方面的一个问题 we should lay more emphasis on
改为:we should lay more emphasis on the water distribution ,especially the areas experiencing water shortage ,which needs more delicate management.