大师作文网求批改TOEFL独立写作,11月26日考,急
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：大师作文网作业帮 分类：英语作业 时间：2024/11/16 16:16:46
求批改TOEFL独立写作,11月26日考,急
独立写作.同意否“提高教育水平的最佳方法是提高教师工资”"The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries'."
In the modern life,almost all the people put the education in the most important position of the life.We view that,if we want to have a beautiful life,we must have good education.Not to mention,teachers play a necessary roles in education.Therefore,we try many ways to improve the ability of teaching,such as increasing the salary.However,as far as I am considered,the most efficiency way is let teacher get class to learn how to teach students.
First of all,if we make teachers attend some classes,they will improve their ability of education basically and quickly.On the contrary,if we only give them more money,their ability and passion of teaching will not be increase.For example,in my middle school,the schoolmaster found various ways to improve the teachers’ ability.At first,he just raised the salary,but the teachers were just the same as the past,because the ability is not improved,in fact.After a few days,he set up a class and let all the teachers attend it.Undoubtedly,the class teaches teachers how to pass the knowledge to students,and how to let students get more knowledge at less time.Not last long time,the students scores got improve.Meanwhile,the teaching ability of teachers also gets improve.For that,we are able to see clearly,if we want to improve the education level,we need improve the ability of teaching,but not the teachers’ salary.
In addition,it not means that giving more money to teachers will have no influence.The teachers' ability of teaching can also be improved,but it will only get a little progress.The reason is when we give teachers more money,they maybe will think about how to teach better.Nevertheless,they have to improve their ability by themselves.Therefore,they will only get progress in the range of their own ability.On the contrary,if we provide them a class to help them,their ability will improve by a big step.Thus,making teachers to attend class is the best way to improve the educational capacity.
In summary,thinking for the children's future,we ought to let our teachers attend the class to improve their ability of education,but not only increase their salary.
独立写作.同意否“提高教育水平的最佳方法是提高教师工资”"The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries'."
In the modern life,almost all the people put the education in the most important position of the life.We view that,if we want to have a beautiful life,we must have good education.Not to mention,teachers play a necessary roles in education.Therefore,we try many ways to improve the ability of teaching,such as increasing the salary.However,as far as I am considered,the most efficiency way is let teacher get class to learn how to teach students.
First of all,if we make teachers attend some classes,they will improve their ability of education basically and quickly.On the contrary,if we only give them more money,their ability and passion of teaching will not be increase.For example,in my middle school,the schoolmaster found various ways to improve the teachers’ ability.At first,he just raised the salary,but the teachers were just the same as the past,because the ability is not improved,in fact.After a few days,he set up a class and let all the teachers attend it.Undoubtedly,the class teaches teachers how to pass the knowledge to students,and how to let students get more knowledge at less time.Not last long time,the students scores got improve.Meanwhile,the teaching ability of teachers also gets improve.For that,we are able to see clearly,if we want to improve the education level,we need improve the ability of teaching,but not the teachers’ salary.
In addition,it not means that giving more money to teachers will have no influence.The teachers' ability of teaching can also be improved,but it will only get a little progress.The reason is when we give teachers more money,they maybe will think about how to teach better.Nevertheless,they have to improve their ability by themselves.Therefore,they will only get progress in the range of their own ability.On the contrary,if we provide them a class to help them,their ability will improve by a big step.Thus,making teachers to attend class is the best way to improve the educational capacity.
In summary,thinking for the children's future,we ought to let our teachers attend the class to improve their ability of education,but not only increase their salary.
看了下,学生只能从我个人写作角度来讲
1.toefl 作文分数与你字数无关,我考得时候390+个字 27分
2.toefl作文一般在开头就直接亮出观点,你第一段前面废话太多了吧...beautiful life 和你教师有什么关系啊.我一般都是直接用背景式开头（With the development of XXXXXXXX,XXXXXX）,第二句直接写 题目转化 （就是把题目转化为另一种说法,不是照抄）,第三句就In my opinion,XXXXX亮出观点.
3.toefl作文一般都是局三方面,你可以3个都反对或支持,或者一对立两正立的写法,你写的貌似没有达到well developed（作文评分标准）的要求啊.
我想了下,你可以这样写这样三点：正方：high salaries impel the teacher/make teacher a more competitive job 两个反方：cause of the low quality of education is complex 然后举出另外两个导致的原因.第二段开头一般On one hand,XXXXX,第三段On the other hand,第四段We cannot deny that...等各种模版,楼主去小马网上下载个toefl作文模版额
4.关于你内容...我想说...很空洞额..而且句式也略显简单了点,单词用的也不高级（很少看到有新意的词汇）,而且重复词语有点小多哦!TOEFL作文里如果重复词组多了是要扣分的（电脑自动辨别的）,而同根词 同义词多了是会加分的,所以楼主最好把几个常用的意思多被几个单词.
5.第二段你看上去写了很多,但是基本都是草草一两句就过了,没有展开,也没有怎么议论
6.逻辑看上去不错,但是你难道不觉得一句话就一个关联词看上去很累么 = =特别还都是meanwhile这种..
7再说说你第三段,你开头说 it not means that giving more money to teachers will have no influence.意思就是其实more money还是有用的咯?但是你下文又说没用,到底是有用还是没用?你要知道开头句一般都充当topic sentence...你TS说有用,下文说没用,明显逻辑错得离谱啊...
8你的各种错误：
第一段：
“ the most efficiency way ” efficiency是名词不能修饰way
第二段：
“their ability and passion of teaching will not be increase. “应该是increased
“At first, he just raised the salary, but the teachers were just the same as the past”一句话用两个just么.前面换个only吧
“, the class teaches teachers how to pass ”the class怎么teaches的?总得给个例子吧!..
“ but not the teachers’ salary. ”双重否定就肯定了!就直接not the salary
“they maybe will think about how to teach better”双情态动词...
还有,你难道没发现你写了两大段其实都在写同一个东西么...第二段写class improves capacity..第三段还是讲这个.其中,你也只写了一个校长的例子而且还没怎么写 就寥寥带过了..第三段就不说了.
第四段同样的...but not only increase their salary.
说实话= =不想刺激楼主.你有上过作文课么.
1.toefl 作文分数与你字数无关,我考得时候390+个字 27分
2.toefl作文一般在开头就直接亮出观点,你第一段前面废话太多了吧...beautiful life 和你教师有什么关系啊.我一般都是直接用背景式开头（With the development of XXXXXXXX,XXXXXX）,第二句直接写 题目转化 （就是把题目转化为另一种说法,不是照抄）,第三句就In my opinion,XXXXX亮出观点.
3.toefl作文一般都是局三方面,你可以3个都反对或支持,或者一对立两正立的写法,你写的貌似没有达到well developed（作文评分标准）的要求啊.
我想了下,你可以这样写这样三点：正方：high salaries impel the teacher/make teacher a more competitive job 两个反方：cause of the low quality of education is complex 然后举出另外两个导致的原因.第二段开头一般On one hand,XXXXX,第三段On the other hand,第四段We cannot deny that...等各种模版,楼主去小马网上下载个toefl作文模版额
4.关于你内容...我想说...很空洞额..而且句式也略显简单了点,单词用的也不高级（很少看到有新意的词汇）,而且重复词语有点小多哦!TOEFL作文里如果重复词组多了是要扣分的（电脑自动辨别的）,而同根词 同义词多了是会加分的,所以楼主最好把几个常用的意思多被几个单词.
5.第二段你看上去写了很多,但是基本都是草草一两句就过了,没有展开,也没有怎么议论
6.逻辑看上去不错,但是你难道不觉得一句话就一个关联词看上去很累么 = =特别还都是meanwhile这种..
7再说说你第三段,你开头说 it not means that giving more money to teachers will have no influence.意思就是其实more money还是有用的咯?但是你下文又说没用,到底是有用还是没用?你要知道开头句一般都充当topic sentence...你TS说有用,下文说没用,明显逻辑错得离谱啊...
8你的各种错误：
第一段：
“ the most efficiency way ” efficiency是名词不能修饰way
第二段：
“their ability and passion of teaching will not be increase. “应该是increased
“At first, he just raised the salary, but the teachers were just the same as the past”一句话用两个just么.前面换个only吧
“, the class teaches teachers how to pass ”the class怎么teaches的?总得给个例子吧!..
“ but not the teachers’ salary. ”双重否定就肯定了!就直接not the salary
“they maybe will think about how to teach better”双情态动词...
还有,你难道没发现你写了两大段其实都在写同一个东西么...第二段写class improves capacity..第三段还是讲这个.其中,你也只写了一个校长的例子而且还没怎么写 就寥寥带过了..第三段就不说了.
第四段同样的...but not only increase their salary.
说实话= =不想刺激楼主.你有上过作文课么.