英语翻译Here I like a buffoon Current days is special for specia

英语翻译
Here I like a buffoon Current days is special for special,I forced myself to write something about monologue,or I'm going to mad!
In despite of the daytime I try to study I go to work,I'm laughing with my friends,It looks like I'm not bad,I said to them I'm OK,but all about this is vanity.
When night coming,when the lights is turned off,the unique stuff I've received is lonely and grief!Because there's a hole inside my heart,I wonder how I wonder why,but there is no answer.
As I woke up in the rest of the night,I can't sleep anymore!THE MEMORY is like a monster,he tortured me and compel me to recall the days I'm been with her,maybe the majority were sweet and nice,what let me unforgettable,and the following is the pain,the pungent pain,let me hardly bear!
Might I can console myself,just like the Jay Chou singed the "rainbow":...maybe THE TIME is the antidote,also,it's the poison I am drinking...
On the cards Iam a cowardly person,indeed,I can't like her to write it done in chinese,I use this method to vent.However,am I feel a little better?I also has no answer.
Farewell,my jo!Farewell,my love!I wrote these to sacrifice my deadly affection!I use all my emotion to maintain this love,and accept the result of no result!
So,don't complain of me,maybe now you are just replacement of her,but I need you to recover my newly life.Sorry!I only can say!the future will be good,trust me.

在这里我就像是一个小丑.最近的日子只是为了特别而特别（?或许不太恰当）.我强迫自己写一些独白,否则我就快疯掉了!
尽管白天我试着去学习去工作,我和朋友们一起说笑,看上去我并不糟糕,我对他们说我很好,但这只是虚无.
当夜晚来临,当灯熄灭,我就被孤独和悲伤填充!因为我的心里有个洞,我想知道怎么办我想知道为什么,但是没有答案.
夜里醒来我就再也睡不着了!回忆就像一个怪兽,它折磨我,强迫我回忆和她在一起的日子,或许大部分的日子都是甜密和美好,可是让我不能忘记的,却是接下来的伤痛,刺人的痛,让我不能忍受!
也许我可以安慰自己,就像周杰伦唱的“彩虹”…或许时间是解药,而且,它也是我正在吃的毒药……
可能我是一个胆小的人,确实,我不能像她一样用中文写下,
我只用这样的方式来发泄出.但是,我感觉好些了吗?我还是没有
答案.
再见,我的爱人!再见,我的爱!我写下这些以祭奠我死去的感情!我用我全部的感情来保存这份爱,来接受这个没有结果的结果!
所以,不要向我诉苦,也许现在你只是她的代替品,但我需要你来让我找到我的新生活.抱歉!我只能说!将来会很好的,相信我………