SAT作文 求批改建议 急

SAT作文 求批改建议 急
Do rules and limitations contribute to one's happiness?This question arose different answers.Some argue that we need "absolute freedom",while most of us rationally consider rules and limitations as the basis of our happiness.I give my vote to the latter opinion because rules and limitations can not only ensure individuals' happiness but also the whole country's well-being.
Take myself as an example.When I was in primary school,I used to play chess with my friends.It seems enjoyable to control an army in a chess game.However,I was quite innocent at that time that I always break the rules,using my queen" illegally",which annoyed some of my friends.They refused to play with me again.From then on,I started to realize the importance of rules and took up the rules of chess.Not long after,I became the "star" of our school.It goes without saying that keeping the rules and limitations can help one gain the assurance from others,which in turn gave us happiness.From playing chess,I suddenly realized that why companies have to make negotiations before doing business and why countries make out rigid creed.These rules put an end to contentious issues and keep everyone functioning smoothly.
Rules and limitations not only impact individuals significantly but also effect the whole nation totally.Let's view the Civil War.Before the war,the Southern planters refused to free their black slaves,who were considered as property.Nevertheless,Lincoln showed his courage when he carried on his policy and participated in the War.As cruel as the Civil War is,it showed us the importance of rules and limitations,which worth our lives to protect them.After the war,the situation is totally reversed.Living conditions of black people improved significantly although there are still some problems,which were eventually resolved in the 20th century.And this time,creeds also played an indispensable role in assuring black people's right.
After viewing these cases,we may safely draw the conclusion; Only under rules and limitations can we enjoy a free life.Just like a famous saying goes:"freedom is always conditional." Withour rules we may fall into the abyss of war,fight and segregation.That's why we say rules and limitations lay the basis of our happiness.

Do rules and limitations contribute to one's happiness?This question arose (arise不及物) different answers.Some argue that we need "absolute freedom",while most of us rationally consider rules and limitations as the basis of our happiness（你怎么肯定?论断没有说服力）.I give my vote to the latter opinion because rules and limitations can not only ensure （跟not only交换位置）individuals'（individual's） happiness but also the whole country's well-being.
Take myself as an example.（口语删掉） When I was in primary school,I used to play chess with my friends.It seems enjoyable to control an army in a chess game.However,I was quite innocent（根据后文innocent使用错误） at that time that I always break （时态错误）the rules,using my queen" illegally"（不是引用别用引号,这是论述文）,which annoyed some of my friends.They refused to play with me again.From then on,I started to realize the importance of rules and took up（词组用错） the rules of chess.Not long after（非书面表达,换掉）,I became the "star" （去掉引号,冠词用错）of our（代词用错） school.It goes without saying（逻辑牵强且非书面表达,换掉）that keeping the rules and limitations can help one gain the assurance（单词误用） from others,which in turn gave（时态错误） us happiness.From playing chess,I suddenly（非瞬间意识,删掉） realized that why companies have to make negotiations before doing business and why countries make out rigid creed.（思维跳跃性太大,极不自然）These rules put an end to contentious issues （这是什么?）and keep everyone functioning smoothly.
Rules and limitations not only impact individuals significantly but also effect（动词用错） the whole nation totally.（语义重复,冠词用错） Let's view the Civil War.（口语换掉）Before the war,the Southern planters refused to free their black slaves,who were considered as property.（要么加冠词要么用复数） Nevertheless,Lincoln showed his courage when he carried on （动词力度不够,与语气不符）his policy and participated in （动词力度不够,与语气不符）the War.As cruel as the Civil War is,it showed us the importance of rules and limitations,which worth（这个不是动词） our lives to protect them（删掉them）.After the war,the situation is（时态错误） totally reversed.Living conditions of black people improved significantly although there are （时态错误）still some problems,which were eventually resolved in the 20th century.And this time,（不够书面,换掉） creeds also played an indispensable role in assuring black people's right.（用复数）
After viewing these cases,we may safely （口气太大）draw the conclusion; Only under rules and limitations can we enjoy a free life.（用分号就别大写） Just like a famous saying goes:"freedom is always conditional." （口语,重新造句）Withour rules we may fall into the abyss of war,fight and segregation.That's why we （除了你还代表谁?）say rules and limitations lay the basis of our happiness.
除了语法上的错误,论述本身也要加强,句子间的逻辑关系要多下功夫.希望对你提高英语水平有所帮助……