批改一下雅思作文Topic:It has been believed that people reading for p

批改一下雅思作文
Topic:It has been believed that people reading for pleasure have developed better imagination and language skills than people who prefer to watch TV.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In many places of the world,it is quite common these days for people to improve their imagination and language skills by watching TV or reading books.It would be argued that an increasing number of people are inclined to the latter,which is a better one.
Firstly,reading motivate our fancy easier because it lack of completely pictures or even sometimes it will not have an ending.So people begin to image that what does the hero look like?Will the save the world?While,when people watching TV all they need to do is to sit in front of the TV,and look.They do not require to use their brains almost time.Another advantage of reading is that it is more correct for people to raise their language skills.For it is particular about phraseology in books,so when people learn the skills of language from books,they will find their phraseology in becoming more neat,which is not achieve on watching TV.
By contrast,the fact is that TV programmes give people an amusement way to promote their vision and language skills.Compared with reading,which is boring,everything on television is more lifelike,vivid,and real.There are abundantly colour and amusing pictures to excite people's nerve to imagine,as well as interesting but educational dialogue for people to learn.
So overall,my view is that people should read books to enhance their ability of imagination and language skills,which is better than watching TV.Because it let people active to thinking and learning rather than excite them to do.
要到6分怎么改?

好像好像我写的第一篇雅思文章的感觉...!
结构没有问题.
可是语言这一块.你方便把你的邮箱给我吗..这个需要慢慢改!