请批改 雅思作文标准There recently has been an intense discussion abou

请批改 雅思作文标准
There recently has been an intense discussion about the cause of the high sales of consumer goods which is on sale.Some experts think it is just led by the power of advertising.By contrast,some researchers claim the popular goods represent the real societal preference.I am the believer of the former one.
As far as I am concerned,the advertisements play a crucial role in our decision about purchasing goods.It seems that advertising can make us less time-consuming and more economical.Without enough time to go shopping,people can also acquire the information of the new products through the media.Moreover,there exists an evident fact that more and more people just choose the goods in the advertisement as their favorite star represents the product and recommend it.Especially in young group,it is not uncommon.They always take no consideration on functions or the price,and just follow the fashionable trend.A recent study conducted by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences revealed that 60% youngsters in Chinese developed cities spent 2000RMB on the famous shoes,such as NIKE,every year because of the amazing advertisement.
Admittedly,not everyone is totally affected by the images on TV.Some individuals prefer the real action rather than the words; therefore,they are likely to confirm the things,which are displayed in the shop,with first-hand experience.They also focus on the comparison between the advantages and disadvantages of the goods if they begin to make a decision.In terms of the effect of the star,they often minimize impact from TV.
Overall,we are living the world,where is inundated with advertisements.TO a great extent,we are attracted by the advertisement’s content,not the product itself.We should raise the awareness that advertising on TV is just a kind of ways to augment the level of being known and sometimes it is more like a movie.
Today,the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.To what extent do you agree of disagree?

(Recently there) has been an intense discussion about the cause of the high sales of consumer goods which (are) on sale.Some experts (reckon the main reason for high sales is) led by the power of advertising.(In) contrast,some researchers claim the popular goods represent the real societal preference.(However,I'm more in favor of the statement demonstrated by the experts.)
As far as I am concerned,the advertisements play a crucial role in our decision (makings when) purchasing goods.It seems that advertising can make us less time-consuming and more economical.Without enough time to go shopping,people （could easily) acquire the information of the new products through （varies types of） media.Moreover,(there is an factual evidence that we can not neglect,which is more and more people choose celebrity packaged products,this is more often seen) in young group.(The youth of today) always take consideration on (neither) functions (nor prices),(instead they blindly) follow the (fashion trends).A recent study conducted by the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences revealed that 60% youngsters in Chinese developed cities spent 2000RMB on () famous (branded) shoes,such as NIKE,every year because of the amazing (advertisements).
LZ英文很好哦.用词语法和文章结构都很恰当,观点也陈述的很清楚.加油!
Admittedly,not everyone is totally affected by the (commercial images on TV.Some individuals prefer the (interior usage) rather than the (exterior fancy packages); therefore,they are likely to (testify) the (commodities) which are displayed in (shops) with first-hand experience.They also focus on the comparison between the advantages and disadvantages of the goods (before) they ()make (decisions).In terms of the effect of (fashion icons and celebrities) they often minimize (the) impact from (televison advertisements).
Overall,we are living the world (that) is inundated with (diversely)advertisements (and) we are attracted by the (contents of advertisments to a great extent thus ignore) the product itself.(In my very own opinion we should raise the awareness that advertising on (televison) is just (one of the methods) to augment (the popularity and publicity which is similar as promoting movies).