求一篇初一水平英语笑话,长度一定要在一分钟左右!带中文翻译.最快最好的加30分!

求一篇初一水平英语笑话,长度一定要在一分钟左右!带中文翻译.最快最好的加30分!
要一分钟的！！！！！！！

Knows Better 医生懂得多
A man was hit by a cab in the street.He was brought to the hospital.His wife who was standing up by his bed,said to the doctor:"I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this,the man moved his head and said:"I'm not dead.I'm still alive."
"Be quiet," said the wife."the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害.”
医生说：“恐怕他已经死了.”
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说：“我没死,我还活着.”
妻子说：“安静,医生比你懂得多.”
Cat and Mice 猫和老鼠
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown."You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared!This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友,她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子.“盒子里装的是什么?”朋友问道.“一只小猫,”布朗夫人回答说,“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠,我非常害怕.这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠.”“可老鼠都是假想的呀.”朋友说.“小猫也是假想的.”布朗夫人小声说道.
再问： 要一分钟长度的
再答： .One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.' My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?' 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” .I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded. 'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him. 'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed. 我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。 “你为什么那么紧张呢？”我问他。 “这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道
再问： 只要一个一分钟的，这些太短了
再答： The doctor lives downstairs 　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." 　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 　　 医生住在楼下 　　“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。 　　“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。” 　　他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
再问： 你能不能先自己读一下看要多长时间，这才30秒
再答： 1. A Nail Or A Fly? An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour. So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed. Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding! 钉子还是苍蝇？ 一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。 　　于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。 　　这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。