大师作文网急等,帮助改英语作文!
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急等,帮助改英语作文!
先辈们啊,Parallel worlds
Two parallel lines will never meet at one point,which is kind of like people’s lives.Some people are right around us,living in the same world as ours,but our lives will never join at one point.
As a volunteer,I went to a teenage mental hospital,where lives parallel to mine live.
People there were pale.
That is the first impression as I got into that dark little playing room crowded with 8 patients.I wondered how any person could get so white that they are like vampires,only vampires are stronger while the patients were weak.
My team and I were all a bit nervous,forgetting all that we had prepared on the way there.Surprisingly,a patient simply came to us,staring at us for a while and said:“Hi!”We were amazed.She was a lot more out-going than we had expected.The dim lights shone on her face,making her pale face look even more wired than it already was.
The fat little girl sounded perfectly normal when talking with us,she clearly knew about her disease,talking like it was nothing to be stuck in that dark little room.
Nothing could be felt more wired than that,seeing people living in totally different worlds and realizing they are actually our age.
With bars outside the dark windows,no wind or fresh air blowing inside,screams everywhere,how could these people ever stand that?
Then I suddenly realized that they were actually part of that.
It seems that I will never get to even understand these people,understand what they are suffering from.If so,why should I even try to get near them?
There’s this story:
When I was little,I could never understand why there were people kneeling on the ground in public places,and then mom told me that they were beggars.
“ Why would he beg for money,can’t he just ask his mommy?”
“ Maybe he doesn’t have a mommy.”
“But,how come he doesn’t have a mommy?And why do you give him money?”
“Wen,there are many people different from us,we are just like lines that will never join together.We may never be able to understand them.But they are still people in need,no matter we know them or not,we still should help them.”
Those patients got pale without sunlight,and this world will get pale without the love in our hearts.
There are so many lives that are parallel to ours,maybe because of some kind of coincidence,we get to meet them,and that should be the time when we help those in need.Even we have nothing to do with their lives,nothing in common,we are still living on the same love-needed planet.We still should get to know,even not understand,and help those people.
So,if we are parallel lines that shall never join at one point,let’s set a bridge between us.
明天要用,不好直接说啊!
先辈们啊,Parallel worlds
Two parallel lines will never meet at one point,which is kind of like people’s lives.Some people are right around us,living in the same world as ours,but our lives will never join at one point.
As a volunteer,I went to a teenage mental hospital,where lives parallel to mine live.
People there were pale.
That is the first impression as I got into that dark little playing room crowded with 8 patients.I wondered how any person could get so white that they are like vampires,only vampires are stronger while the patients were weak.
My team and I were all a bit nervous,forgetting all that we had prepared on the way there.Surprisingly,a patient simply came to us,staring at us for a while and said:“Hi!”We were amazed.She was a lot more out-going than we had expected.The dim lights shone on her face,making her pale face look even more wired than it already was.
The fat little girl sounded perfectly normal when talking with us,she clearly knew about her disease,talking like it was nothing to be stuck in that dark little room.
Nothing could be felt more wired than that,seeing people living in totally different worlds and realizing they are actually our age.
With bars outside the dark windows,no wind or fresh air blowing inside,screams everywhere,how could these people ever stand that?
Then I suddenly realized that they were actually part of that.
It seems that I will never get to even understand these people,understand what they are suffering from.If so,why should I even try to get near them?
There’s this story:
When I was little,I could never understand why there were people kneeling on the ground in public places,and then mom told me that they were beggars.
“ Why would he beg for money,can’t he just ask his mommy?”
“ Maybe he doesn’t have a mommy.”
“But,how come he doesn’t have a mommy?And why do you give him money?”
“Wen,there are many people different from us,we are just like lines that will never join together.We may never be able to understand them.But they are still people in need,no matter we know them or not,we still should help them.”
Those patients got pale without sunlight,and this world will get pale without the love in our hearts.
There are so many lives that are parallel to ours,maybe because of some kind of coincidence,we get to meet them,and that should be the time when we help those in need.Even we have nothing to do with their lives,nothing in common,we are still living on the same love-needed planet.We still should get to know,even not understand,and help those people.
So,if we are parallel lines that shall never join at one point,let’s set a bridge between us.
明天要用,不好直接说啊!
文笔不错,有几个小小建议.
That is the first impression as I got into that dark little playing room crowded with 8 patients.
我不明白什么叫little playing room,或许可以换成ward 病房,可以把that 换成the,并没有什么特指,我觉得不用that.
I wondered how any person could get so white that they are like vampires,only vampires are stronger while the patients were weak.
我觉得这两个句子之间要用except 或the difference between vampires and human is,否则有点confusion.
y team and I were all a bit nervous,forgetting all that we had prepared on the way there.there 有点confusion,还是把there 换成when we reached to the hospital
The fat little girl sounded perfectly normal when talking with us4
我觉得还是在talking with前面加上she is
If so,why should I even try to get near them 我觉得应该用get closer.
此乃本人意见,可能是either way is right,但我觉得这样更通顺些.
希望对你有所帮助
That is the first impression as I got into that dark little playing room crowded with 8 patients.
我不明白什么叫little playing room,或许可以换成ward 病房,可以把that 换成the,并没有什么特指,我觉得不用that.
I wondered how any person could get so white that they are like vampires,only vampires are stronger while the patients were weak.
我觉得这两个句子之间要用except 或the difference between vampires and human is,否则有点confusion.
y team and I were all a bit nervous,forgetting all that we had prepared on the way there.there 有点confusion,还是把there 换成when we reached to the hospital
The fat little girl sounded perfectly normal when talking with us4
我觉得还是在talking with前面加上she is
If so,why should I even try to get near them 我觉得应该用get closer.
此乃本人意见,可能是either way is right,但我觉得这样更通顺些.
希望对你有所帮助