英语幽默小短文 2分钟左右,搞笑一点,最好不要对话,生词注一下音标和意思.只要小学生能看懂,不要太长!哪位先知帮个忙,实

英语幽默小短文
2分钟左右,搞笑一点,最好不要对话,生词注一下音标和意思.只要小学生能看懂,不要太长!哪位先知帮个忙,实在急,本周六之前!好的加50分!
要有译文,要背出来的!最好有拼音,不要太深,浅点短点的!

Without you,my world began to dim;without you,my way forward was so obscure and vague.I regretted that last night I didn't cherish you well.So today--I have to buy another pair of glasses to take your place.
失去你后,我的世界暗淡起来,没有你,我的前路竟然是那样模糊、茫然.我后悔昨晚没能好好珍惜你,今天我只能再去――买副眼镜代替你.
Not every flower symbolize for love, but rose can do it; not every tree can stand thirst, but alamo can do it, not every pig can read short message, but you can do it. congratulations!
不是每一朵花都能代表爱情,但是玫瑰做到了；不是每一种树都能耐住干渴,但是白杨做到了；不是每一头猪都能看短消息,但是你做到了.恭喜你!
You may fall from mountain, you may fall from tree, but the best way to fall, is fall to my love.
1 day u'll B surprised 2C ME beside U. U & Me laughing, U&Me crying, U & Me dreaming, U & Me holding on, U & Me...just U & Me sitting in a MENTAL & ME CHECKING U.
一天你会很惊讶的发现我出现在你身边.你我一起欢笑,一起哭泣,一起梦想,依偎在一起,一起……只不过是你我一起坐在精神病院里并且我（医生）给你（精神病人）做检查.
Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 world peace. That's impossible, he said.
有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望.我说我要世界和平.“那是不可能的”他说.
Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said, Let me try world peace.
然后我请让你变聪明.他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧.”
Every morning I pray 2 God that
everybody should get a friend like u,
...
每天早晨我都向上帝祷告：希望每个人都能够拥有像你这样的朋友……
Why should I be the only to
suffer...
为什么只有我要忍受有你这样的朋友?
If u hide, I'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, I'll search 4 you. If u'll leave, I'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, I'll fight 4 u.
如果你躲起来,我会去找你.如果你不见了,我会寻觅你.如果你离开了,我会等你.如果日子会把你带走,我会为你战斗.
But, if u stop sending msgs, I'll kill you.
但是,如果你停止发短信息,我会宰了你.
Logic Reasoning
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课.她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里.于是他开始挣扎并喊救命.他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸.谁能告诉我这是为什么?” 一个女生举手答道,“是不是去取他的存款?”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外,还有“河岸”的意思.
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
林肯过生日
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件?
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生.
老师：正确.那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢?
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日.
（一）
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.小明就坐了下来.
过了一会儿,小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.小明又坐了下来.
他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?
小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊!
（二）
一对热恋中的男女.女生非常没有安全感,于是对着男友说：“
SAY I LOVEYOU! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”
男的答道：“I T!”
（三）
一位在美的留学生,想要考国际驾照.在考试时因为过于紧张,
看到地上标线是向左转.
他不放心的问道：turn left?
监考官回答:right.于是他立刻向右转……
（四）
某人刻苦学习英语,终有小成.一日上街不慎与一老外相撞,
忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解,问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈,道：I am sorry five.
1
调查员:What is your father"s name?
: 小 弟:Happy!
: 调查员:What is your mother"s name?
: 小 弟:Smile!
: 调查员:Are you joking?
: 小 弟:No!That"s my sister! I am Kidding!