英语演讲短文求一些课前演讲内容..最好尽量是简单的单词.初一水平也能听懂的..比较推荐用幽默搞笑的短文不知道也我帮去百度

英语演讲短文
求一些课前演讲内容..
最好尽量是简单的单词.初一水平也能听懂的..
比较推荐用幽默搞笑的短文
不知道也我帮去百度之类的找下...
讲得好追加分.

哈哈你要这个就找对人啦,我收集了一大堆
1）A man goes to church and starts talking to God.He says:"God,what is a million dollars to you?" and God says:"A penny",then the man says:"God,what is a million years to you?" and God says:"a second",then the man says:"God,can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
2）Once two hunters went hunting in the forest.One of them suddenly fell down by accident.He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing.The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help.The operator said calmly:"First,you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
两个猎人进森林里打猎,其中一个猎人不慎跌倒,两眼翻白,似已停止呼吸.另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话.接线员沉着地说：“第一步,要先确定你的朋友已经死亡.”于是,接线员在电话里听到一声枪响,然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办?”
3）英语课的笑话
1.TEACHER:George,go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE:Here it is!
TEACHER:Correct.Now,class,who discovered America?
CLASS:George!
2.TEACHER:Ellen,give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN:I is...
TEACHER:No,Ellen.We always say,"I am."
ELLEN:All right..."I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
3.TEACHER:If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,what would I have?
CLASS:Big hands!
4.TEACHER:Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT:Yes,Sir.
TEACHER:And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT:Yes,Sir,but since I broke my promise,I don't expect you to keep yours.
5.TEACHER:In this box,I have a 10-feet snake.
SAMMY:You can't fool me,Teacher...snakes don't have feet
4）昨天来了个老外,进到办公室,前台小姐左看右看,大家都在打游戏,只有自己比较清闲,就面带微笑的：“hello?”
老外：“hi.”
前台小姐：“you have what thing?”
老外：“can you speak english?”
前台小姐：“if i not speak english,i am speaking what?”
老外：“can anybody else speak english?”
前台小姐：“you yourself look.all people are playing,no people have time,you can wait,you wait,you not wait,you go.”
老外：“good heavens.anybody here can speak english?”
前台小姐：“ shout what shout,quiet a little,you on earth have what thing.”
老外：“i want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”
嗯就弄这些先吧,我想对你的需求来说已经够了：）