请帮我看看我写的雅思作文,并请指出其中的问题,最后按照评分标准给个分数.

请帮我看看我写的雅思作文,并请指出其中的问题,最后按照评分标准给个分数.
TASK:
Some teachers say students should be organized into groups to study.Others argue students should study alone.What is your opinion?
ANSWER:
In this day and age,it is universally accepted that the youngest study at school.Some people believe that students should be to study gathered into groups while other claims that studying alone should be advocated.The two opinions are both right to some extent because each circumstance has its advantages.
Studying to be organized can promote the communication and interaction between sciences and arts,such as chemistry,biology,history and law.They have the access to resolve these difficult problems immediately outweigh study by themselves,not only kept the study efficiency safe and stable but also make the study experience less time-consuming.Besides,this behavior can enrich their experience better and broaden their own horizons.
Studying by themselves on their own have a quiet environment to learn their courses,attending classes,and discussing their lessons.Consequently,they can achieve better results than studying gathered.Besides,they do not suffer from the detrimental influence upon the “bad students”.What is more imperative to most of the adolescents are cost lesser and fulfill their potential and relax their bodies and ease their minds,obviously,to remove the barriers for the students who studies have no motivating.
My view is that the two situations have both pros and cons.To minimize the losses and maximize the gains,we should first of all make a good decision on the optimum time of learning.It is better to have a correct awareness of the study and get an expect achievement they have thought.Meanwhile,the competition in study is increasingly stiff,which provides the kids cold and cruel if not leading as the study to be gathered.Therefore,teachers have duties to encourage them exert their creativity and have a happier study and life.

说句心里话老兄 你些双边的真的很难 建议以后选一种观点去支持 不要两边都说好
下面看看你的文章吧
格式倒是很不错 肯定上过新东方培训吧 但是问题还是不少的 请不要不高兴 但是你的文章最多在5到5.5分左右 我刚考了 作文7分所以自己觉得感觉还是不会错的
第一句话就有问题了 in this day and age 这个有点chinglish 的感觉 说实话我从没见过老外写这样的句子,其实简单点 at present就可以了 然后我知道你要表达的是年轻人 但是 不是the youngest 而是 the young （the + 形容词原型表示一类人不是最高级）
第二段你一上来 studying to be organized 真的是没这种说法啊 要么写成 students to be organized.文章太长 如果想交流 和我联系吧 bing4242@hotmail.com