大师作文网能帮我改改这篇英语作文吗,
来源：学生作业帮 编辑：大师作文网作业帮 分类：英语作业 时间：2024/11/18 14:18:36
能帮我改改这篇英语作文吗,
what qualities must a person have to make big money?
Although becoming a million or billion is not my final dream,I must acknowledge that I need to have sufficient money if I want to achieve my dream.
As there are many pretty wealthy people around us,their tough process of struggling for their dreams has a positive influence on us.
Firstly,there is no need to talk about hard-work or labors.It is a must.Then,like dedication and persistence,we should lay plenty emphasizes on them.It is obvious that one can’t make it without any contribute or firm.Moreover,it is much more likely for a integrate man to make his dream come true.On the other hand,it seems extremely awful if there is a talent man with an evil heart.Ultimately,taking action is what I figure most important.Everyone has a beautiful dream,even planning for it in detail.Why are the successful people so little?Taking action makes a great difference in our way of approaching to our target.
Ok,from now on,change your wing,and you can fly higher.
what qualities must a person have to make big money?
Although becoming a million or billion is not my final dream,I must acknowledge that I need to have sufficient money if I want to achieve my dream.
As there are many pretty wealthy people around us,their tough process of struggling for their dreams has a positive influence on us.
Firstly,there is no need to talk about hard-work or labors.It is a must.Then,like dedication and persistence,we should lay plenty emphasizes on them.It is obvious that one can’t make it without any contribute or firm.Moreover,it is much more likely for a integrate man to make his dream come true.On the other hand,it seems extremely awful if there is a talent man with an evil heart.Ultimately,taking action is what I figure most important.Everyone has a beautiful dream,even planning for it in detail.Why are the successful people so little?Taking action makes a great difference in our way of approaching to our target.
Ok,from now on,change your wing,and you can fly higher.
总体写的很不错哦!有一些小的地方我们一起商讨下吧：（）内是改动的
1.Although becoming a (millionaire) or (billionaire) is not my final dream,你是想表达百万富翁,千万富翁的意思吧?
2.It is obvious that one can’t make it without any （contribute-endeavor） or （firm-perseverance）
没有付出和坚持,人不能成功.是这个意思吗?contribute是动词,意思是奉献
3.Ultimately,taking action is what I figure （+the）most important.最高级哦
4.Why are the successful people so （little-seldom）?成功的人很少,表示数量少一般用seldom
5.Ok,from now on,change your wing,and you can fly higher.这句话是个比喻吧--change your wings--换你的翅膀?建议换成equip your wings(复数) 强健你的翅膀
1.Although becoming a (millionaire) or (billionaire) is not my final dream,你是想表达百万富翁,千万富翁的意思吧?
2.It is obvious that one can’t make it without any （contribute-endeavor） or （firm-perseverance）
没有付出和坚持,人不能成功.是这个意思吗?contribute是动词,意思是奉献
3.Ultimately,taking action is what I figure （+the）most important.最高级哦
4.Why are the successful people so （little-seldom）?成功的人很少,表示数量少一般用seldom
5.Ok,from now on,change your wing,and you can fly higher.这句话是个比喻吧--change your wings--换你的翅膀?建议换成equip your wings(复数) 强健你的翅膀