大师作文网雅思帮忙改小作文~Thischart illustrates the different choices of acco
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雅思帮忙改小作文~
Thischart illustrates the different choices of accommodation in Evonia among threeage group 17 years old to over 46 years old.
In theage between 17 and 19, people are prefer to shared rental accommodation andhostel accommodation, which are accounts for 35% and 30% respectively, only 2%of people living in their own house. However, there are almost a quarter ofpeople who living in their own house, which follow the 36% of people who livingin own apartment. In the people who are 46 years old and over, the most popularaccommodation is own apartment with 33%, which was followed by own house with31% and then 20% of hostel accommodation. In addition, there are 13% of peoplewho living in assisted living, and the least popular accommodation is sharedrental accommodation for 46 years old and over people.
Overall,the graph shows that most young people don't have their own house, while themajority of middle-aged people and old people can buy their won accommodation.
看看能有多少分……
Thischart illustrates the different choices of accommodation in Evonia among threeage group 17 years old to over 46 years old.
In theage between 17 and 19, people are prefer to shared rental accommodation andhostel accommodation, which are accounts for 35% and 30% respectively, only 2%of people living in their own house. However, there are almost a quarter ofpeople who living in their own house, which follow the 36% of people who livingin own apartment. In the people who are 46 years old and over, the most popularaccommodation is own apartment with 33%, which was followed by own house with31% and then 20% of hostel accommodation. In addition, there are 13% of peoplewho living in assisted living, and the least popular accommodation is sharedrental accommodation for 46 years old and over people.
Overall,the graph shows that most young people don't have their own house, while themajority of middle-aged people and old people can buy their won accommodation.
看看能有多少分……
5分吧 不是打击你,错误挺多的
先说优点啊,你对小作文整体把握不错,知道用长难句,结构不错
第一段 three age groups-
第二段 有prefer就不要are,prefer to do 不是ed account那里一样的错误,有实义动词就别出be
2% 那里living你是想做伴随吗 前面加个with 表伴随.who are living 或者who lives 这是个从句.which follows,算了 用followed by不要the 36后面的who删了
不是in the people,是in the category of...46-year-old 20%前面不要then
13%那里同样的错误
最后 their own houses
,which 用太多了,换换哈,
很有潜力,补补语法吧
先说优点啊,你对小作文整体把握不错,知道用长难句,结构不错
第一段 three age groups-
第二段 有prefer就不要are,prefer to do 不是ed account那里一样的错误,有实义动词就别出be
2% 那里living你是想做伴随吗 前面加个with 表伴随.who are living 或者who lives 这是个从句.which follows,算了 用followed by不要the 36后面的who删了
不是in the people,是in the category of...46-year-old 20%前面不要then
13%那里同样的错误
最后 their own houses
,which 用太多了,换换哈,
很有潜力,补补语法吧
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