My Computer

My Computer
A decade ago,my father spent $1,350 to buy a computer for me.His objective was to help me learn how to operate it.At that time,my monitor was heavier,and the CPU speed was very slow.Besides that,the hard disk space was only 4GB,64MB of RAM,and a modem speed of56KB.
Today,my computer is an Apple all in one.Its weight is notheavy.So it is easy to carry.Its screen is big.Looking at the screen is verycomfortable.
It is a perfect product.Apple is oneof my favorite brands!It was my last year in Hong Kong to buy somethingbecause prices in Hong Kong were over ¥1000 cheaper than China.
A decade ago,my father spent $1350 tobuy a computer.His object was let me learn how to operate it.At thetime when,my monitor was more heavy.And CPU speed was very slow.Besides harddisk space only 4GB,memory was 64MB,modem speed was 56KB.
Today,my computer is an Apple all in one.Its weight is notheavy.and easy to carry.Its screen is big,looking at the screen very comfortable.It is a perfect product.Apple is one of my favorite brands!It was my lastyear in Hong Kong to buy because prices in Hong Kong 2 over one thousand RMBcheaper than China.
Teacher:why is this so small?
Focus better,why is the order of yourwriting off?
Edit yourself better,organize yourparagraphs better.

首先翻译如下：
A decade ago, my father spent $1,350 to buy a computer for me. His objective was to help me learn how to operate it. At that time, my monitor was heavier, and the CPU speed was very slow.Besides that, the hard disk space was only 4GB, 64MB of RAM, and a modem speed of56KB.
十年前,我父亲花了1350美元给我买了台电脑.他的目的是帮我学会操作电脑.当时的电脑显示器很沉, CPU速度很慢,而且硬盘空间只有4GB,内存只有64MB,调制解调器（猫）的速度只有56KB.
Today, my computer is an Apple all in one. Its weight is notheavy. So it is easy to carry. Its screen is big. Looking at the screen is verycomfortable.
现在,我的电脑是苹果一体机,一点也不笨重,便于携带,显示器很大,看起来很舒服.
It is a perfect product. Apple is oneof my favorite brands! It was my last year in Hong Kong to buy somethingbecause prices in Hong Kong were over ¥1000 cheaper than China.
这是完美的产品.苹果是我最爱的品牌!这是我去年在香港买的,因为在那里买能比在内地买便宜1000块钱（人民币）.
Teacher: why is this so small?
Focus better, why is the order of yourwriting off?
Edit yourself better, organize yourparagraphs better.
老师：为什么这么短?中心思想不明确,你为什么写这篇文章?把自己要表达的内容组织好,把段落组织好.

根据你的短文和老师的评语,认为这个问题不是语法问题,而是文章本身的问题.语法错误可能并不明显,但是文章要表达的意思没有明确表达出来,或文不对题.
根据你的上下文,估计你要表达的是十年来,计算机发展得非常迅速,科技进步很大.你要表达的是对科技进步的感慨.但是文章没有表明这一点,还把话题扯远到在香港买电脑比在内地买便宜,你还不如不写.
建议文章改为：
十年前,我父亲花了他八个月工资给我买了台电脑；当时的电脑显示器是CRT显示器,很沉重,很占地方；电脑硬盘才4GB,内存只有64MB,CPU速度也很慢；但是这十年来,科技飞速发展,当前的电脑已经完全摆脱了过去笨重的外观,显示器变得轻薄,CPU速度是过去的几十倍；硬盘达到了500GB以上,内存也超过了16GB,而这些,甚至可以都组装在一台上面,看起来和一台平板电视差不多,却包括了全部的功能.
更令人惊讶的是,现在的智能手机已经等于甚至超过当年的电脑功能,我们能在一个小小的手机上进行电脑能进行的操作,这在十年前几乎是不可想象的.而电脑的价格也降低了很多,现在买一台普通的电脑,可能只需要一到两个月的工资就可以了.这在十年前也是不可想象的.
而电脑对人们的生活的影响也越来越多,十年前,作为一种价格昂贵的消费品,电脑的主要功能集中在办公和文件处理上；而现在,电脑除了被广泛应用在工业生产、贸易活动、经济、管理等公共生活中,也深入到娱乐、交流以及家庭生活的方方面面,人们通过电脑购物、通过电脑连接外面的世界,通过电脑交流、学习,通过电脑玩游戏、看电影；我相信,随着科技的进步,电脑会越来越便携,越来越深入我们的生活.让我们一起期待吧.