专业英语老师进!帮助找学术文章（Academic Essay）的二十个错误.

专业英语老师进!帮助找学术文章（Academic Essay）的二十个错误.
Occupational diseases are
the result of employment conditions,often dealing with the inhalation of
dangerous gases,and exposure to hazardous chemicals and many industrial
diseases are identified by the disease being present in workers compared to the
rest of the general population.Many industrial diseases will occur after many
years of exposure to an environmental factor.Asbestosis and pneumoconiosis are
common examples of industrial diseases,which affect the resphiratory system.
Whereas atopic dermatitis is an example of a skin disease caused by
contributions from both genetic and industrial factors.Atopic dermatitis,
asbestosis and pneumoconiosis have a variety of treatments,which help with the
long term health effects of the diseases (Jones GM and Storey PL,2005).
Pneumoconiosis is a lung disease that is caused by the
inhalation of dust.There are a number of types of pneumoconiosis,but the main
focus is upon miners pneumoconiosis.This is caused by the inhalation of
aerosols such as nitrogen oxides,sulphur oxides and carbon monoxide.The dust
in the mines are airborne,often not as dangerous if inhaled infrequently,
however miners inhale the aerosols every day for several years which can cause
disease (West,2007).Aerosols inhaled into the lungs effect the cilia,and
cause them to be paralyzed making it difficult for the mucociliary system to
work efficiently.It also affects alveolar macrophages which usually engulfs
materials such as silica.To be honest this could affect a person’s breathing,
causing a persistent cough and a tightness of chest (Pnuemoconiosis,2011).
Unfortunately there are no treatment for the disease itself,however treatment
can be provided to ease the pain of the symptoms (Dhingra,2010).To determine
what treatment is needed for pneumoconiosis a scan needs to be taken to
evaluate the extent of the disease.The disease is often monitored over a
period of time and a change of lifestyle could be recommended.The patient will
often gets immunised against diseases such as influenza.Normally antibiotics
and physical therapy are used to help the movement of mucus in the persons
system,as well as medication that can be inhaled to help with their breathing.
The majority of people suffering from pneumoconiosis are over the age of 50,
approximately 6 out of one hundred thousand people suffer from the disease and
the mortality rates are 800 deaths per year in the United Kingdom
(Pneumoconiosis,2011).
Asbestosis is also a lung disease caused from the inhalation of industrial materials,
however it is classified differently to pneumoconiosis.Asbestolosis is due to
the inhalation of asbestos a fibrous material found in certain buildings,also
from mining.Asbestos resists dilution so can remain for a long period of time
in a person’s system,so when settled in the lungs have long term effects
(Selikoff,1978).
(接上)Asbestosis is a serious disease which is also
incurable and can often result in an early death.There are two types of
asbestosis; mesotheliomia and fibrous thickening.The disease causes the
scarring of the lung tissue,and affects how the lungs work.The scaring of the
lungs can cause respiratory problems,shortness of breath and chronic coughing.
There is found to be a correlation between asbestosis and primary lung cancer
(House of commons,1999).Like
pneumoconiosis there is no treatment for the disease,but symptoms are
monitored and managed over time.To help with the increase in the mucus in the
lungs,physical therapy may be used to help remove a large amount of mucus (
Selikoff,1989).With respiratory problems oral medication that can be inhaled
may help improve their breathing,as well as over the counter drugs such as
paracetamol and ibuprofen.
Asbestosis
各种各样的错误,语法,学术文章用词不当,括号里的reference格式不当等等等等

Occupational diseases are the results of employment conditions, often dealing with the inhalation of dangerous gases, and exposure to hazardous chemicals and many industrial
diseases are identified by the disease being （去掉）present in workers compared to the
rest of the general population. Many industrial diseases will occur after many
years of exposure to an environmental factor. Asbestosis and pneumoconiosis are
common examples of industrial diseases, which affects the resphiratory system.
Whereas atopic dermatitis is an example of a skin disease caused by
contributions from both genetic and industrial factors. Atopic dermatitis,
asbestosis and pneumoconiosis have a variety of treatments, which helps with the
long term health effects of the diseases (Jones GM and Storey PL, 2005).
Pneumoconiosis is a lung disease that is caused by the
inhalation of dust. There are a number of types of pneumoconiosis, but the main
focus is upon (about) miners pneumoconiosis. This is caused by the inhalation of
aerosols such as nitrogen oxides, sulphur oxides and carbon monoxide. The dust
in the mines are ( is ) airborne, often not as (so) dangerous if inhaled infrequently (frequently),
however miners inhale the aerosols every day for several years which can cause
disease (West, 2007). Aerosols inhaled into the lungs effect (affect) the cilia, and
cause them to be paralyzed making it difficult for the mucociliary system to
work efficiently. It also affects alveolar macrophages which usually engulfs（engulf）
materials such as silica. To be honest this could affect a person’s breathing,
causing a persistent cough and a tightness of chest (Pnuemoconiosis,2011).
Unfortunately there are （is ）no treatment for the disease itself, however treatment
can be provided to ease the pain of the symptoms (Dhingra,2010). To determine
what （which）treatment is needed for pneumoconiosis a scan needs to be taken to
evaluate the extent of the disease. The disease is often monitored over a
period of time and a change of lifestyle could be recommended. The patient will
often gets immunised against diseases such as influenza. Normally antibiotics
and physical therapy are used to help the movement of mucus in the persons（person’s）
system, as well as medication that can be inhaled to help with( 去掉 ) their breathing.
The majority of people suffering from pneumoconiosis are over the age of 50,
approximately 6 out of one hundred thousand people suffer from the disease and
the mortality rates (rate)are 800 deaths per year in the United Kingdom
(Pneumoconiosis, 2011).
Asbestosis is also a lung disease caused from the inhalation of industrial materials,
however it is classified differently to (as)pneumoconiosis. Asbestolosis is due to
the inhalation of asbestos a fibrous material found in certain buildings, also
from mining. Asbestos resists dilution so _it__ can remain for a long period of time
in a person’s system, so when settled in the lungs they_ _have long term effects
(Selikoff, 1978).
问题补充：
(接上)Asbestosis is a serious disease which is also
incurable and can often result in an early death. There are two types of
asbestosis; mesotheliomia and fibrous thickening. The disease causes the
scarring of the lung tissue, and affects how the lungs work. The scaring of the
lungs can cause respiratory problems, shortness of breath and chronic coughing.
There is a found to be a correlation between asbestosis and primary lung cancer
(House of commons, 1999). Like pneumoconiosis there is no treatment for the disease, but symptoms are monitored and managed over time. To help with the increase in the mucus in the lungs, physical therapy may be used to help remove a large amount of mucus (Selikoff, 1989). With respiratory problems oral medication that can be inhaled
may help improve their breathing, as well as over ( 去掉) the counter drugs such as
paracetamol and ibuprofen. Asbestosis
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