给英语作文打分请指出文章的错误,再打个分数.满分(25分) Dear Sir,I am writing to you f

来源：学生作业帮编辑：大师作文网作业帮分类：英语作业时间：2024/11/13 00:16:45

给英语作文打分
请指出文章的错误,再打个分数.
满分(25分)
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you for the mobile phone of Dephone-S250 I bought on 20th Apr.2008 at Tele Mall in Wuhan,P.R.China.But I’m sorry to tell you that this mobile phone has some problems.It can neither bell nor can set messages.So I went to some shops to see if there are any mobile phones the same as this.However,I only to be told that these products had been sell out already.So I haven’t got a new on yet.
This mobile phone of Dephone-S250 I bought is in a new style.It has no spare part and it can’t be fixed in any mobile phone shops.
I’m a bissinessman,it is very unconvenient for me without the mobile phone.So I hope your company can change my mobile phone as soon as possible.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely yours,
Bu Manyi

第三行,去掉第二个can（罗嗦）
set messages改成sent messages
第四行are 改成were any mobile phones 后加as only to be told 加was
第五行sell 改成sold on改成one
第七行shops 改成shop（强调任何一个)
第八行最后一个the改成a(泛指没移动电话不方便,不是那个有毛病的）
最高分可能17到19分吧
我的英语不是非常好,所以,找的可能不全不准.见谅!

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