求个懂雅思的老师帮我看看我的大作文 改改我的语法等等 最好给个分数哈 谢谢

求个懂雅思的老师帮我看看我的大作文 改改我的语法等等 最好给个分数哈 谢谢
A much debate issue these days is which one take charge to teach children as a good member of society, parents or school? In this essay,i will argue that both of them have to take responsibilities to teach children. Some people claim that teaching children is the most basic responsibilities to parents. In China,parents should discipline well their children by law before 18 years old. If their children violates law before 188 years old, they will be punished by government. In addition, parents know more about their own children,and they will find a learning method that perfect to them. For example,parents and children live together for a long time,so they are very understanding their children’s personalities , learning style,etc. They can make a suitable schedule for their children according to their own characteristics,which will promote the learning process effectively. On the other hand, the other people find that school is more appropriate to guide the students to have a decent behavior in society because school not only have a number of advantage teaching methods but also possess some educational experts with abundant experience. These factors assure children will acquire high quality education. However, there are a lot of classmates around you in school,which like a modal society that give children a chance to taste the mini society life. They can practice the knowledge learned in classroom in this society having a better learning effect. Personally, i think both parents and school should lead children to be a person with decent behavior. Children behaviors,a certain extent,not only reflect the quality of their parents and family feature but also indicate national civilization degree. So,guiding children is a responsibility to parents and school.

A much debate (是 debatable) issue these days is which one (要加 should) take ( 要用 takes) charge to teach children as a good member of society, parents or school? In this essay,i (will 改为 would) argue that both of them have to take responsibilities to teach children. Some people claim that teaching children is the most basic responsibilities to parents. In China,parents (should 要用 must 因为是法定要求) discipline (well 要移位) their children (well) by law before 18 years old. If their children violates (是 violate) (the) law before 188 (18) years old, they will be punished by government. In addition, parents know more about their own children,and they will find a learning method that (要加 is) perfect to them. For example,parents and children live together for a long time,so they (are very understanding 要改为 should rather understand) their children’s personalities , learning style, etc. They can make a suitable schedule for their children according to their own characteristics,which will promote the learning process effectively. On the other hand, the other people find that school is more appropriate to guide the students to have a decent behavior in (要加 the) society because school not only have a number of advantage teaching methods but also possess some educational experts with abundant experience(s). These factors assure children will acquire high quality education. However, there are a lot of classmates around you in school,which like a modal (是 model) society that give children a chance to taste the mini society life. They can practice the knowledge learned in (要加 the) classroom in this society (having 改为 ,which would have) a better learning effect. Personally, i think both parents and school should lead children to be a person with decent behavior. Children behaviors, a certain extent,not only reflect the quality of their parents and family feature but also indicate (the) national civilization degree. So,guiding children is a responsibility to (应加 both) parents and school.

有少许错漏,已替你更正了,虽然文章语法并非突出,但论点明确,只可惜本人不是教育界人士,所以亦无从给你评分,也不应自作总明胡乱给分而影响你,造成你的错觉,是不负责任和不道德的行为,请多多见谅.

很高兴能够帮到你,希望会对你有助.