请专业人士看一下雅思大作文,做一下批改,并评价下大约多少分~3月5号就要考了,比较急~

请专业人士看一下雅思大作文,做一下批改,并评价下大约多少分~3月5号就要考了,比较急~
Some people say university students should pay for their tuition fees.Some other say the government should pay for the tuition fees.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In present-day society ,it is generally recognized that university education a significant role in our modern life.But at the same time,controversy has arisen about whether the student or the government is responsible for the payment of the tuition fees.
It is obvious that there are various of reasons that the students should pay for the fees by themselves.In the first place,the students are the direct and final beneficiaries of university education.Specifically,the ultimate objective of university education is to serve the students.In the second place,the government has already shoulder the basic education payment.For instance,students pay little when they are in primary and secondary schools.at that time,the majority expenditure of education are paid by the government .lastly,the government need to invest in other areas,such as scientific research ,healthcare ,and all of those need a amount of money.
On the other hand,there are several aspects against the arguments above.To begin with,it seems that people ,as a tax payer,have already accomplished their responsibilities and it is their right to enjoy the education for free.Furthermore,the government is the leader of the whole country.To precise,it is responsible for them to improve the education level of their citizens.Even so,the government burden too much pressure.For instance,funding scientist research which account for a big part of financial output.
To conclude,I believe that the government and the students should share the responsibilities of tuition fees.specifically ,the government pay a small part of fees like the rent of accommodation and students pay the other fees by themselves.

7-7.5 分
条理很清楚,论证很明确,句式用词相对多样化,这些都是优点.很好.第二段写得比第三段好.
但是,还是有些用词不够精准,语法小错误,例如
1. to precise --> to be precise
2. 第三段的第二个分点虽然我能理解,但是表述不够地道, 文化理解不到位：各个州或省在教育经费安排上有自己的权利; 而且很多研究资金也用于解决教育funding的问题.
Furthermore, theoretically the federal government is in charge of the nation-wide resource allocation, but the specific implementation happens at the state level. Individual state government has their own respective priorities and challenges. The decision on whether or not and how much to fund the education should be left to state government. The local governments should make responsible decisions based on the holistic inspection of the education objectives and plans of action.
Additionally, the federal government provides tremendous amount of funding in teaching and research annually. These funds may turn into financial aids for those who are more qualified. In return, these receivers get free college education. The selective investment may bring back more quality returns.
Take everything into consideration, it is my belief that the government and the students themselves should. This may be achieved by government offering and assigning funds to individual states, the state government . .