..最好能给个分数Children can learn efficiently by watching televisi

..最好能给个分数
Children can learn efficiently by watching television.Should children watching television regular both in school and at home?Discuss agree or disagree.
When it comes to television,as one of the most significant invention,the majority of individuals believe that television
plays an extremely critical role in our daily life.It can provide us a number of TV programs in diverse area everyday,such as
art,sport,music,education,science and so on.therefore,some individuals think that children would learn efficiently by the
support of a great deal of imformation through TV program.From my own perspective,i believe that the advantage outweigh the
disadvantage in this case.
No one can deny the fact that watching television contributes to children's study to a large extent in numerous
aspect.First,taking example for juvenile educational lecture broadcasting regularly on the weekend.The
children,undoubtedly,can not only acquire a great amount of knowledge out of class but help them with the establishment of
correct attitude as well by following the ways of study.Secondly,our horizon can be also expanded via paying attention to the
latest news report of the country outside and inside.
Nonetheless,what should be taken into account is the issue that majority of children have thoroughly unpleasant association
with educational television program.On the contrary,they would rather spend more vigor on other leisure and entertaining
television programs,for instence,various movies,which are able to offer them more virsual incitement.An latest investigation
shows that,two third of juvenile delinquencies caused by their imitation after watching adult movies,because children have difficulty in distinguishing wherher they are supposed to follow or not.As a result,no negative effect can afford to ignore,otherwise individuals would pay a heavy price which they cannot assume it.
All in all,enabling children to watch television have both advantages and disadvantages.To conclude,i firmly believe that
children will really receive the benefit on condition that eliminating the downside of this practice under the supervision of
their patriarch.

楼主,在这里好心的提醒一下,现在真正评雅思作文卷比较好的方法只有找那些非常有经验的培训老师,他们会知道评卷标准之类.网上这样评的话容易给你误差的分数,以致影响你的以后的复习计划,所以最好不要在网上评呀- -
恩,说说我自己的感受,觉得整个挺流畅的,应该是套用了模板了吧,我不敢给分数,但是感觉还不错,分数应该还行.
怎么说呢,虽然套用了模板,但是总体文章还算流畅,考官在阅卷的时候虽然对模板的文章不太赞同,但是如果写的还行,会有6.5,不过一般不会突破7分,建议楼主即使做模板不要用网上的那些,推荐你一本书《10天突破雅思写作》上面有教你做自己的模板的方法,很好用~