求一些英语小短文,要演讲用的,最好要有一些笑话的,或者是有哲理的

求一些英语小短文,要演讲用的,最好要有一些笑话的,或者是有哲理的
快,星期一要用的,但不要太难,

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening it deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course
　　Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night, it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the days deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow." You must live in the present on todays deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success! The Clock is running. Make the most of today.
　　To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade. To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask the mother of a premature baby. To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a daily wage laborer with kids to feed. To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train. To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask the person who just avoided an accident. To realize the value of ONE MILLI-SECOND, ask the person who won a silver Olympic medal. Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.
　　And remember that time waits for no one. Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift.