这篇新托福的Independent writing可以打多少分?

这篇新托福的Independent writing可以打多少分?
Why do you think people attend university?
Nowadays,more and more students choose and endeavour to their ideal university.
And so do I.Although different students have different reasons why they was planning
to attand university,the reasons can be concluded as follows:
A classical example of the reason is that the students want to identify their abilities of
studying.If some one gets the certificate in a famous university,they would get treme-
-ndous achevement coincident.and his relatives and friends will also give applause to him.
"Chasing their dreams" may be anther reason for student who jostle into university.My
dream is to become a doctor to save the patients and reduce in pain,so I spare no effort
to study in pathology and surgery.
Thirdly,Graduated from university,espectially get the master or doctor degree,could
get a considerable revenue in the future,and this will lead an ease life.A classic illustration
often cited is that no matter goveronment or enterprises,they tend to recruit the persons
who have good educated.The certificate of your university basecally judges the revenue
and the social class.
It is also shown that,university is a good platform to communicate with knowlege and
studies.You can easily find the similat persons who focus on the same subject,as well
as the same interest.
In sum,attending university can extend the knowledge,or these who want to get a good
communication.They are not only planning to get a considerable future but also manage
to touch their dreams.

评分我倒是不敢评,跟你分享下我考25分的感受吧.
现在的独立写作基本不考这种很笼统的题目了,比如我考的是“科学家应不应该为他们的研究成果产生的不好影响负责”,
第一段的最后一句应该是全文的中心句
用nowadays的开头其实有点俗,但是问题也不大,我们老师当时推荐我们用一个事例或者名言什么的开头,会有一点新意
蛮好的,思路很清楚,例子少了一点,其实例子很占字数的
有几句话我觉得有待商榷阿,我就不一一列了,有吹毛求疵的嫌疑,
attand university
their ideal university
and his relatives and friends will also give applause to him.
我印象里revenue最好用于政府的税收等比较大的收入,如果你想写个人收入其实可以换点词